How Interracial Couples Can Find The Perfect Balance
How Interracial Couples Find The Perfect balance
Over the last ten years, I've been learning about Indian culture, experiencing it, and have slowly seen how it's become a part of who I am.I don't even realize how much Indian culture has spilled into my identity until other people spend out with our multiracial family. Then I have to explain little things like why we eat Indian food with our hands, call family members by unique names, let people speak into our kid's lives, have so many people living with us, or even clothes our kids wear to special events.I love it.My husband and I have started our own little family and I love seeing what we have made together. Our little life has become so much richer than I ever would have expected to be possible.We're happy. We've found a balance that works for us and strive to get better at it every year.
Balance.
It means something different in every family. While we have learned a balance that works for us in this season, we also know that it changes as we grow. Life happens and our circumstances change which means our balance has to change with it.We find our balance by talking to each other and finding out what we both need in our relationship. I'll give you a little hint. Finding a good balance means knowing when to say yes and when to say no.Sometimes we think it's wrong to say no, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Saying no means you know what you need and are willing to draw a line in the sand when need be.My husband and I figure out our balance by finding out what we both need. It's not always hard to figure that out. Sometimes it comes easy and natural to make the right choice.Other times you actually have to step out of your comfort zone and experience something before you make the decision. Whether it's a food concoction you could never have imagined trying or letting someone hand feed you... It's okay to try something new even if you feel a little uncomfortable at the beginning.
However, what do you do when you've either tried something or you've decided to put your foot down and say no?
If you're anything like me you may start comparing yourself to other couples out there. Then you start questioning everything.Am I embracing my husband's culture if I don't carry on all of his traditions?Will people think I don't care about his culture?This is typically the point in the process when my mind starts to go down about a dozen rabbit trails and I get lost in my head. I've always struggled with people pleasing and will even start to question myself if I think people may judge my decision.
Well, today I say something and even remind myself about something I've said many times before...
Decisions made in your relationship are between you and your partner. The balance you find needs to work for you and doesn't have to work for everyone else.There's no way to make everyone happy. You can't carry on every single tradition and that's okay. You get to pick and choose the ones that are best for you as a family.The most important thing you can do is talk as a couple. Walk through each decision together and talk about it. Your partner is a great person to talk to because they can tell if you're saying no because you're scared and nervous to step out of your comfort zone or if it's what you truly want.This is why I call myself the "Almost" Indian Wife. I'm not Indian. I don't have to carry on every single thing Indian culture tells me to. Same goes for you. Take all of that pressure off of your shoulder and have fun. Have fun figuring out what you'll carry on in your own family.At the end of the day the decision you make as a couple is perfect for your family. Whether you want to say yes or no to living in a joint family, shaving your kid's hair on the first birthday, or any other tradition... it's okay. Do what works for you and your partner.
