I’ve received a lot of feedback from this one. Some people understand why we’ve decided to do this and agree. Others say elders have no place in our relationship, so why would we listen to what they have to say. It’s made me think about all of the different situations where this can come up and I realized there isn’t one way that works for every relationship.
When you face a decision in a relationship, you have to make a decision together. You have to do what’s best for your family, not just one of you.
In any relationship, you will be faced with decisions that affect your family. In an interracial relationship, you’ll have to decide where you live, what religion your family will practice, what language is spoken in the house, how to discipline your children, how involved extended family will be, etc.
What do you do when you’re asked to do something you’re uncomfortable with?
What if your spouse wants you to move to their home country, but you don’t want to?
What if your partner wants you to practice a joint family, but you don’t want your in-laws raising your children?
What if you want to share your country with your spouse, but he/she won’t give it a chance?
You both grew up with different ways of doing things. Each of your cultures tells you what’s normal and what’s not. When you begin an interracial relationship, you have to find a new normal for your family. This means coming together and figuring out what you’ll do together.
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is that you both have to be happy with your decision.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved our family closer to his side of the family. This meant we moved 36 hours away from my family. It was a really big decision for us. If I wasn’t a part of the decision to move here, it could have caused a lot of issues in our marriage. It would have been easy for this to cause a rift between us. However, we made this decision when we first got married. We discussed where we wanted to settle down and agreed we would settle by his family. There are so many factors that helped us to make this decision.
However, timing changed. Every few years we would talk about making the big move. To be honest, I wasn’t ready until a few years ago. I knew I wanted to do it, but it was hard for me to move so far from my family. I had to be fully ready and my husband patiently waited.
Now, we’re here and our family is so happy. Sure, we all miss my family, but our reasons for moving here makes it worth it. Indian culture is present in our children’s lives every day. It’s much easier to put them in the middle of this vibrant culture when we’re around my husband’s family. By living closer to my in-laws, it also means my kids are around Telugu more often.
My husband and I made this decision for our family.
We made it together and did what we think is best for our family. You can’t look at other multiracial families and do exactly what they do or concede to the pressure from loved ones to run your family the exact same way they did. They have seen what works for them and try to push you to do the same thing.
All you can do is listen to their advice, see how their family functions, and see what you can take from it. Chances are you will be able to take a few things and change other things to fit your family better. There is no right way to have a multiracial family or interracial relationship.
You have to communicate with each other every day and constantly reevaluate. You can make a decision that works for a while, but you need to see how those decisions work as your family grows and changes.