I Was A Parenting Expert Before I Had Kids
I remember the conversations I used to have with my mom and aunt before I had kids. I would tell them all of my extraordinary plans for my children and I listed off all my ideas. I assumed since I had babysat the neighbors kids since I was ten years old, I’d be a perfect parent.
I’d let my kids watch whatever they wanted because they’d be fine.
They would never have tantrums in the middle of a Target aisle because I’d discipline them. They’d know better.
The list went on and on. To my benefit I was twenty and thought I knew everything. Then I had three kids two years apart and realized things were much different than I thought they’d be.
We’ve all been there. We let our kids do something and think to ourselves… wow. I swore I’d never do this, but I have no shame!
Things I Never Thought I’d Do As A Parent
Let my kids stay up until I went to bed.
Let my kids eat candy.
Tell my kids not to eat their boogers.
Ask my son not to pee on his brother.
Debate with my child over whether or not he’s the boss.
Let my kids sleep in my bed.
Let my kids eat Goldfish crackers for dinner.
Be tempted to not know my kids in public when they’re being TERRIBLE!
Have kids that throw huge, meltdown, throw themselves on the floor tantrums while in a store.
Let my kids run around the backyard naked.
Sleep in a shirt covered in newborn spit up.
Be able to survive on a few brief moments of sleep.
Hide in the bathroom from the kids so I can hear myself think.
Love going grocery shopping alone.
Not be able to survive without caffeine.
Go to bed at 8pm.
Actually enjoy kid’s movies. Oops I’ve always loved them.
Had three kids and thought hey, I can do one more.
Leave a cart full of groceries because the kids just can’t keep their #@$# together.
Truly think my kids are funnier than every other kid.
Sleep in newborn pee covered sheets because I just didn’t care enough to loose even more sleep.
Eat Goldfish for dinner because I didn’t want to cook.
Have to explain to my son why you shouldn’t pee in your own eye.
Have to fish an apple out of the toilet.
Have to disappoint my child when I let them know Jesus doesn’t live in their belly button.
Have to stop my son mid stream when I find him peeing in a gatorade bottle.
Pull my kids into my bed while daddy is away on a work trip and mommy is scared.
Send my kids to fight off spiders while I scream from the couch.
Feel a little heartbroken when my kids choose to play with their friends over their own mom.
Get completely enraged when someone tells me my son is naughty.
Realize my kids can be naughtier than I thought possible.
Come down to see my son covered in makeup.
Yell at my kids. A lot.
Quietly crawl out of my kids room because they finally fell asleep and I want to join the world of grownups.
Crave adult conversations so much that I go to Target as often as possible.
Try to convince my husband to see a new Disney movie rather than the new action movie.
Walk around the house singing the theme song to my kid’s favorite morning cartoons.